The Last Walk Along the River Trail

-

"How lucky I am having something that makes saying goodbye so hard." -Winnie The Pooh

I had lived there so long that I no longer had an answer as to whether the river walk was drab or beautiful, because to me, it was home. It was familiar. 

I walked along, kicking a pebble off the road, and looking out over the Columbia river, rushing. Always rushing. The clouds were swiftly changing and to the right of my horizon, grey skies were creeping in. And I knew, this time, that it really was the end. No more maybe's, no more unfulfilled plans. We had already arranged for a moving van, and the boxes were beginning to assemble, scattered with treasures of the last ten years of my life. The only ten years I could hold on to. 

Then I thought of them. The warm nights of fellowship, the hikes, and the soft mornings with freshly brewed coffee and donuts. I thought of the memories I would cherish, and the friends I would leave. Faces animated, each with its own unique and irreplaceable personality. I did not want to let them go, did not want to feel that I must fill their space in my heart to feel whole. 

The leaving would be hard. The beginning again would feel empty for a while. I sighed. The fear of the unknown. I had made the fear of the unknown the topic of one of my big art projects from last semester. It was my biggest fear. "God? Why now? Why, when I finally thought I'd found joy and closeness with Your community and with You?" I would have to trust Him. Deep down, I knew that. 

I would have to let go of the familiarity of childhood, climb into that car with my family, and drive away. Family. I didn't exactly know what place family ought to hold in the life of a young adult. Should I try and step away and be independent? Or should I go with them and stay by them? I have a deep, deep relationship with my parents, I should stand by them. Or is that being trapped? These thoughts swirled my head a year ago, as I walked alone along the river trail for one of the last times. 

A whole year ago. Now, I sit by the window, glancing out at the blue sky and the white puffy clouds. A soft cover of the song, "A Bridge Over Troubled Water," plays and I am listening to the lyrics. I know the other side now. The unknown is known, and I suck in a deep breath as I type, relief flooding my lungs. I am safe. 

I have learned so much about life, about friendship, and about how God's faithfulness really truly does persist. I am thankful for that. Family is important to me. God has given me the blessing of two parents who love Him and love me. Life is not any easier, but now it feels right, like it should be. I still have questions, and the future remains unknown, but I am confident that God will provide. I have seen His faithfulness over this past year time and time again.


The River Trail, Spring 2020

Hiking, Spring 2020

On the Road, Spring 2020

A Peaceful Moment, Spring 2021

The Sky, Spring 2021



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Posture of Surrender

-
Image
 " All to Jesus, I surrender //  All to Thee I freely give //  I will ever love and trust You //  In Your presence daily live" - Don Moen Every day in recent months my prayer to God has consistently included these words, "God, I surrender everything to you. I surrender the people I love, the relationships I have, the stress I feel about my responsibilities, the unknown future before me, negative memories from the past, my life, and all my devotion to You. Use me for your glory and purpose and take away from me what is not my best. I come before you with open hands, eager to lay it all at your feet, and trusting you to give me the things you know that I need." This process of continual surrender has helped me to always remember that every good thing is a gift from God, as it says in James 1:17, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." When I contin
Read more

July

-
"Every night I lie in bed  The brightest colors fill my head  A million dreams are keeping me awake I think of what the world could be A vision of the one I see  A million dreams is all it's gonna take  A million dreams for the world we're gonna make." -The Greatest Showman  Sitting on the porch at twilight, the summer wind wafting through the trees, and the last rays of deep sun silhouetting the trees, I write. I'm rather tired, to be honest. My kitten is demanding my attention, and I can't seem to find a comfortable position for writing this. There. Pride and Prejudice piano airs are smoothing my nerves.  Last week I went on a Mission Trip to the Native American Reservation up in Okanogan and we did a "VBS" for the kids up there. It was my third year doing that. Every year there are new things that happen while I'm there, and I learn a lot.  So much has gone on in our family that I barely know where to begin. I would rathe
Read more

Coffee and Summer

-
"The noblest art is that of making people happy." - P. T. Barnum A lot has been going on recently. School is almost over, and all of my stressful/exciting events have already happened. It was a hurricane last week, and this week it is only a misty breeze(well, except that it's like a thousand degrees outside). I joined a choir called Encore, and that has been great. We sang songs from The Greatest Showman, which I LOVE, Dear Evan Hansen, and a medley of Irving Berlin's songs as well. It was really neat to be a part of show choir because there was just so many talented people that we had an amazing time just singing and dancing. I will never forget it! School is all done except for Chemistry, which I am still finishing up, and I look forward to a full summer of excitement. It's hard to believe, but it has almost been a whole year since I started this blog! One of the five years down, four to go! Hooray! Plus, when I am sixteen, I will have my driver's lic
Read more